The past few weeks were some tough weeks. God truly opened my eyes and heart to what is going on around the world. Every Monday night we have Children at Risk class. The past two week we have watched documentaries. The first documentary was about children around the world and what they are going through! This video is called “Innocents Lost” and it crushed my heart! I was so angry with what these men are doing to these girls and how these kids are living on the streets. There is so much heart break and devastation going on in this world! God said to me, “My heart breaks for these children too!” I was not able to put my emotions and feelings into words. I was so angry and had moments of tremble and tears. I wasn’t able to process anything. I felt like there was a wall between God and I. I knew He was there, He always is, but I couldn’t hear Him. My friends were there to support me but I continued to say “I’m fine.” I was also thinking so much about Haiti during this time! I was scared and worried that this is going on in Simmonette to my Haitian friends/family and I was too young to know and understand. Again, so much anger and frustration… (I’m not an angry person, so this was hard to feel this way.) I didn’t process what was going on in my heart. It was a long week.
That weekend my Mama and Grandma came to visit me. I believe God knew I was gonna struggle this week and need my Mama! I did need her to help me process and comfort me! God follows through! I had an amazing weekend with my Mama and Grandma. We played card games, had a picnic in the hotel room, watched movies, I showed them around Madison, we went shopping for my trip to Asia, out to eat, and church! Oh and can’t forget the college life of going to a laundry mat! So glad they came! ❤
Now this week… Our teaching this week is over worldview… YAY 😦 … I mean I love learning about that, but I just got over being so angry with the world, I did not want to hear more… Not yet, but God had other plans. The first few days of teaching were alright. I mean a lot of frustration with not only the world but America too! Who we say we are as Americans and what people across the world think about Americans. Now Christianity is in America (for the most part) but there are so many people in America that call themselves christians but don’t live their life as one. But across the world, those who say they are Christians, truly live as a genuine Christian… SO true! This teacher said so many things that opened my eyes to Christianity itself. Tuesday after class, we went o base worship which is where YWAM Madison comes together to worship. I love base worship. That worship time really hit me hard. I felt so weird during the whole session. Like I had to cry, but I couldn’t. All my emotions are anger where being brought back up to my mind and heart. In the end, my heart just broke and I broke down in tears. I was trembling, full of anger, and tears. My friends were giving me hugs and trying to help but I couldn’t express what I was feeling! This was not an easy day. I then went to Local Outreach which is homeless ministry. So walking the streets and giving hot chocolate to homeless people and building connections. This too broke my heart with what is even going on right here in Madison, Wisconsin.
Day 3 of world view teaching… I did not like his teaching this day. He just talked about some controversial things that I have strong feelings about. Now I am going to share one of them. As I am writing this, I am asking God to guide my words and that those who are reading this, understand where I am coming from. Here we go.
Do you or do you not spank your child? I strongly believe in NOT spanking your child. I understand it is a form of discipline. I do believe that every child is different and it may work for some kids, but do I think it is the best way or correct way, no. We teach our kids not to hit other people as it is not loving but parents think it is okay to hit their kids and say that you are only doing it because you love them?? No child will understand what love really is. Yes I understand it works for some kids and they turn out perfectly fine but I do not think it is right to hit your child. There are plenty of other ways to discipline your child. So with that being said, he talked about how he disciplines his kids. This again just brought frustration and sadness to my heart of how people parent their kids. This teacher is truly a great guy and this is a controversial topic, so it’s normal to have different feelings. Now, I do not despise those who do spank their kids, I love everyone for who they are! ❤
I had talked to my school leader as she knew there was a lot going on in my heart. This week we also watched a documentary on Haiti. It was about how what we are doing to help this country is only helping short term. Giving them all this stuff is not going to help them for their future. Haiti can not just depend on other countries to provide for them! They want and need to provide for themselves. The businesses down there will no longer successful if we continue to provide. We need to teach, train, and provide jobs for these Haitians and other countries around the world too! Anyway, so my school leader told me that I need to have a 1 on 1 with the teacher. I really didn’t want to talk to him. Not cause he’s a bad guy, he really is so nice but he is very intimidating. So I took what Jenna said into consideration and went on with my night. The next morning we had intercession. I left to go to the bathroom and ran into Daniel (the teacher). “Great” I said in my mind. Then I said to him, “Well I think I’m suppose to talk to you but I really don’t want to…” He laughed and said “Why?” “I don’t know.” He then said ” well lets talks. We had an amazing conversation and he brought a lot of revelation to my heart. What he said that really spoke to me is that “It’s not my power that changes the world, it’s God’s power.” But why does God not use his power to stop all that is suffering?! This question as really hitting me hard. “God uses His power in us. If he were to stop all suffering, what would be the point of us as Christians and Missionaries? He uses His power in us to make a difference around the world.” Also, we need to make a difference for Him, not because we want to do something good for ourselves.
I learned SO much this week and have had a lot of revelation. This phase in my life is really important to take time to learn, then I will be able to use God’s power and make a difference in this world… BUT… If I could just make a difference in one life, that’s all that matters! God Bless you all so much!
By His Grace,
Kendra Michael ❤
By His Grace 